20 Days of Yoga- A challenge of transformation

It's September!!! Thank Goddd!!! Fall is almost here and the weather has finally started to cool down. September is by far my favorite month of the year. There is something so rejuvinating about it. When I walk down the tree lined streets of my neighborhood in Brooklyn, I can't help but be reminded of the excitement of a new beginning. The scent of the crisp night air brings me back to my childhood, to the last days of summer, the nervous thrill of getting ready for a new year of school. It's time to stop laying around, get shit moving, and bring productivity to its max. It's September people, and I fucking love it.

This past summer has been a rough one to say the least. In the past couple of months the Universe threw Ben and I a few giant curve balls, some positive, some negative but all with huge force smacking us right in the gut causing us to buckle over into fetal positions where we stayed for the better part of summer. I'd like to say we handled it the best we could in the moment but yikes did it take its toll.

The first thing to go out the window for both of us, but me especially was self care. I fell out of my yoga practice and right back into my eating disorder. The best part was that after two months of feeling great and not eating gluten, dairy, or sugar I pushed my already imbalanced hormones to go into a tailspin when my, "fuck it I'm binging and eating everything I'm alergic to." attitude took over. The result? Me in a constant state of PMS over the course of the entire summer. I know, poor Ben.

Worse than all of that, somewhere along the line I lost myself. My anxiety took over in a way I've never experienced before. I worried about everyone else's lives, focused on everyone else's problems, and convinced myself that I was being forced to give up my hopes, dreams, and aspirations so that other people could live out their own. I felt more stuck, more confused, more disconnected, and more angry than maybe I ever have before. I lost sight of who I am, and what I wanted, and after six years of working my ass off trying to figure those very things out, I just rolled over when shit got too hard and too scary and gave in to the crazy. Thankfully, due to my ability to be self aware, even when I'm trying my damndest to ignore it, I was able to always have a sense of what was going on. I knew things would be fine, I just had to get out of this mess and start doing what I knew needed to be done in order to make that happen.

Maybe it was the hurricane, giving me the time and space I needed to really deal with myself, or maybe it was the fact that September was almost here, but last weekend something shifted. Something forced me to face the issue at hand and come up with a plan to once and for all end this summer funk for good. On September 20th Ben and I are going on another Californian adventure to celebrate our one year wedding anniversary. Starting today, September 1st, I have decided that for the twenty days leading up to our trip I will do yoga. Yoga is the only thing that has ever been able to succesfully allow me to re-connect to myself, and right now I need to re-connect big time. In order to hold myself accountable, while also getting myself to start writing again, I'll blog about this journey every day possible. My hope is by the end of this I'll have made some major breakthroughs, in both my life and my practice. Hey, maybe I'll even finally be able to kick up into a handstand. Who knows, anything's possible. What I do know is I'll be a much happier, funnier, loving, creative, productive person because of it. And that my friends is all I can really hope for.