Photo by Kyle Depew taken at our wedding yoga class
Tonight I finished my last class assist which means my teacher training is officially DUNNNZOOO!! Whattt??!!??!! Yesss!!!! I didn't think I would feel any differently since I've been out of teacher training for over two weeks, but I do. I feel like I'm moving into something great, like I'm about to reach the next level of my life, whatever that means, and that something big is about to happen. I feel lighter and more receptive. I feel terrified and excited. Mostly I feel relieved. I began my training to become an Anusara yoga teacher at the end of April. When I started I had never done Anusara before and quickly found out that I pretty much had never done yoga before either. I dove straight into the immersions and it has been one non- stop life changing, life enhancing thing after another for 8 months.
Anusara which is based on Tantric philosophy gave me the words to explain everything I have ever believed in and felt my whole life. It provided me with the most powerful tools to heal. One of the main beliefs of Tantric philosophy is that embodiment is a gift. For a former 312 lb. girl who has "overcome" a life threatening eating disorder that she developed as a reaction to trauma happening to her seven year old body this belief alone changes everything.
I can't say that this process has saved my life, because I did that myself long before I knew anything about yoga. But I can say that it has changed it forever and has enabled me to grow and improve and move forward.
In all honesty, I don't know if I want to be a yoga teacher. What I do know is that I am grateful for every second of my training, my amazing teachers, and my teacher trainee kula. Anusara will be a huge part of my life forever. So now I am back to another transition, which scares the shit out of me. But like a good Anusara yogi I am opening to grace and seeing the good.